I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
