did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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