Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
