i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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