Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I want her autograph on my taint
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You left your phone here
Wait...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
