Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
