Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
