The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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