I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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