My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
