I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
