I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I forget how to act sober
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize