i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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