Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
