I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
