I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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