a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
