I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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