It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
