Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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