Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
