no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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