i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
