U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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