he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
