thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
