I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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