Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
