the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
whose parrot is this?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
