Screwed.edu
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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