Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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