Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
