my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
