i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My feet surprised me
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