She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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