i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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