haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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