are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
