I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
