omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
