so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
