I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
