i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
