What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
