I faked an abortion last night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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