How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You ruined the universe
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
