Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
