i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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