i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
