Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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