I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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