i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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