Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
