I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
