his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
