omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
