is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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