im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
