perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize