Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
