I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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