I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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