So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
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I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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