a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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