I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
why is half of my head shaved?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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