im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I smell stomach acid.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
