nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
