and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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