Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
