Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
