so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
