she woke up with a sticky ear
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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