My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE