The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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