Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
