I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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