now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
