yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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