And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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