You made me cry and you don't even care
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
