So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
