nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
