My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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