we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
