Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
