I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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