went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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