I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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