I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
