matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
