You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
